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Hey, I did pretty well, I managed to keep on talking to her until 4am - reminding myself of why I adored her so much in the process, lolololol - and I was still smiling, more relieved than anything. She is actually an amazing person and gosh I wish she would realise that. :/
anyway, I got miserable again, mostly because I realised she can't even talk to me about it, and I just want to be honest. I get it, she doesn't like me. That's fine; but can't she just tell me, be honest with me ;__; There isn't a whole lot of point being all wistful and hopeful that she'll ever like me. Okay being honest, I'm a little hurt that she's never liked me, it just doesn't make sense to me. ;___; blah
um anyway, my point. Oh yeah. I'm still going to treat her the same. She deserves it, she deserves more than a shitty friend who'd stop caring for her just because she doesn't like them. She is a wonderful, wonderful person and it kinda fucking hurts that I'll never be with her, but hey, it's life. I just want her to feel loved. She's pretty special. I don't know, fuck. I still want to find my indie-pop-art-heart-girl (lolol) because it seems this one isn't... actually the one. Alas.
Okay now I'm miserable again and I'm going to go sleep for a few hours and maybe wake up crying but probably not because i'm a tuff kunt and I'd really love to talk to her tonight because she's pretty much one of my only proper friends at the moment. No wonder I had/have an indefatigable crush on her. Oh man. I suck. But yeah. I wish I had someone to talk about this with. I just want to talk to HER about it but I don't think she'd appreciate it, she's too shy.
I'm too shy.
I hate myself.
anyway, I got miserable again, mostly because I realised she can't even talk to me about it, and I just want to be honest. I get it, she doesn't like me. That's fine; but can't she just tell me, be honest with me ;__; There isn't a whole lot of point being all wistful and hopeful that she'll ever like me. Okay being honest, I'm a little hurt that she's never liked me, it just doesn't make sense to me. ;___; blah
um anyway, my point. Oh yeah. I'm still going to treat her the same. She deserves it, she deserves more than a shitty friend who'd stop caring for her just because she doesn't like them. She is a wonderful, wonderful person and it kinda fucking hurts that I'll never be with her, but hey, it's life. I just want her to feel loved. She's pretty special. I don't know, fuck. I still want to find my indie-pop-art-heart-girl (lolol) because it seems this one isn't... actually the one. Alas.
Okay now I'm miserable again and I'm going to go sleep for a few hours and maybe wake up crying but probably not because i'm a tuff kunt and I'd really love to talk to her tonight because she's pretty much one of my only proper friends at the moment. No wonder I had/have an indefatigable crush on her. Oh man. I suck. But yeah. I wish I had someone to talk about this with. I just want to talk to HER about it but I don't think she'd appreciate it, she's too shy.
I'm too shy.
I hate myself.
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