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People are Weird - September 2011

oooo

everything is fucking dumb and i don't want to kill myself i never want to kill myself but whatever i'm so lonely but i can't tell anyone because it always appears i'm just being an attention seeking loser and i am pretty sure i just revealed to my best friend today that i'm depressed but i think she mistook my response to her after she seemed a little apathetic. i guess i shouldn't make jokes about how people feel. i want to apologise but then i'm kind of just... saying sorry for being depressed? i don't fucking know. ugh. i wish she would just talk to me properly, about our emotions. she never does. she avoids it. she'll tell other people but not me. i wonder why. i think she hates me.

i love her. she's my best friend/
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friensd

i'm crying onto a piece of paper in a book that i drew on, it has the words "<myname>xoxo, with friends". and I am crying because i have no friends. and because i am lonely. and because i hate myself. is that irony. i think it might be.
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lol

she talked to me today and apologised for not talking yesterday, whoa. do you read this ejournal?

anyway i'm happy again. all it takes is a small conversation. crazy.
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mmmmmm

i'm misery againnnnn

she's taken an interest to this guy and he to her and ughhh. 1) i'm a little jealous, but that's just to be expected/can't do anything about. 2) she has stopped talking to me as much. we used to talk everyday and now its way rarer. barely spoken to her in days. she treats me differently too. its always 'whats up BRO' and ughh its killing me. 3) he's a really nice guy but it seems like he's such a suck up and i hate suck ups 'cause its just not being yourself so someone will like you and uhhhh


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